Soul-Searching, and Writing as Catharsis and Exploration

This blog has laid dormant for some years, as I entered a phase of life where it felt like I was just "too busy" to keep up with it. Or I simply couldn't justify keeping up with it.

I have long been using writing as a healing tool; as a catharsis of sorts.

I was never particularly adept at expressing myself verbally; although I see myself as well-meaning, I tend to have a bad case of "Foot-in-Mouth Disease." I call it a "bad" case because not only do I end up saying all the wrong things, I end up saying more wrong things when I try to correct my previous misstatements.

So I often use writing to "work through things," because it seems to move at the same pace as my thought patterns, and I have the opportunity to backspace over something that really didn't come out the way I had intended... and I get both a second, third and more chances to double check my work.

So what does all that have to do with bringing this blog back from the dead?

Well, as more than a few of you are probably aware, Sarah and I recently closed our small local art and gift gallery called the Red Dragonfly. So there was an "ending" there, and I now find myself looking at the next phase of life.

Meanwhile (and not related) Sarah is away on an extended sabbatical/retreat. Although much of my time while she is away will be given over to catching up with yardwork and housework, I will also be spending time examining and taking inventory of this thing called "life," and specifically of what exactly it means to be authentically me. She left me with an excellent set of ideas and pointers, which I value because she has an outstanding grasp of human emotions... I have much gratitude.

I suppose a logical question might be to ask "Why put this out in a blog? Why not just keep a private journal? This seems pretty personal..."

A fair question.

The key here is authenticity. And I keep thinking of the old Danish expression "Bordet fanger," which is a card game expression that literally means that the table "catches."

Authenticity.

I worry that just keeping a private journal might push me over into my old bad habits of "going back and embroidering" what I have previously said, so that it seems "better" and "prettier."

If I commit to committing my words to be public space where others see it, the "table catches" and I don't get to go back and "prettify" what may not be so pretty.

So even though this is just a "pre-amble," I am already establishing personal truth number one: I don't entirely trust myself.

For all I know, this might not end up going anywhere, at all. But I feel... unusually committed... to the process this time, even though I have been through these cycles before.

So, there it is.

Still contemplating whether I should just do this as "Facebook Notes," but I prefer the more flexible format offered by Blogger, so I think I will stick with that.