Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part VIII: Danish Time

Most museums and "places of interest" in Denmark close at 5:00pm. Some close at 4:00pm.

Visiting here from the US-- where everything seems open pretty much all the time-- it can be rather inconvenient, for visitors.

Sarah was commenting on the way everything seems to close so early, and yet there are lots of people on the streets of Copenhagen at 11:00pm. It made me pause and ponder the Denmark of my childhood, as well as the Denmark of now... along with some of the socio-cultural reasons for what I have now come to think of as "Danish time."

I remember the frustrations from my childhood, when I finally would get my mother to agree to go to a place like the Copenhagen Zoo, or perhaps the Natural History Museum. We'd start getting ready, and we'd take aaaaaalll this time to get ready to leave, then it would take aaaallll this time to get there... by which time it would already be almost "closing time," so we'd have only an hour at the zoo, since my mother wanted to leave at least 1/2 hour before official closing, so as not to be caught in the throng of traffic during the final moments.

Now, I am an adult visiting Denmark... trying to "show off" where I grew up, while dealing with places of note that are open from 11:00 to 4:00 or 5:00.

There are many things I appreciate about living in the US, one of which is the fact that things are open during hours that make more "human sense." Let's face it, most people are working, between 11:00 and 5:00. And when you are on vacation, you tend to sleep in and get a late start. Which, in turn, clashes with exhibits closing at 4:00pm.

As I thought more about this, it occurred to me that Denmark-- as a culture-- continues to function under a value set that is centered around "being" with your friends "after hours," rather than "doing" with your friends.

The way I remember Denmark in my teen years and during visits in my 20's, it wasn't that people never socialized, it was that people socialized at each other's houses, rather than "out." "Going out together" might entail sitting at an outdoor coffee shop or local pub for several hours, talking to friends. Don't get me wrong, Danes do go out to the movies, theater or pubs... but the whole idea of "doing an activity together while out" is far less common in Denmark, than in the US... and this tendency continues, today.

It's hard for me to comment on whether this is "good" or "bad;" it is merely "different." I'm not even sure if it's an editorial on core societal values, or the "Danish way" is simply a result of things always having been this way, combined with a resistance to change. Many Danes can be somewhat smug and arrogant about the perceived "superiority" of the Danish Social Democracy... and although I have been guilty of some of that, myself, there are good reasons why I live in the US, rather than in Denmark.

Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part VII: Random Thoughts

After about ten days in Denmark, I start to feel Danish again.

Maybe that sounds a bit cryptic, since I am Danish... but after 30 years in the US, I feel more American than Danish, when I am there. After some time in Denmark, I start feeling more Danish than American. I believe that-- unless you've actually lived back-and-forth between two countries for much of your life-- it's hard for people to conceptualize that a person could move their "center" of values so easily.

My perspective on "what I like most here, and what I like most there" is, of course, uniquely mine. As such, my random musings are mine alone, and not meant as an editorial about "what people feel," in general.

Just saying.

One of things I continue to like about Denmark is that it moves slower, is less aggressive and feels a lot less "type A" than the US. I also like what feels like a sort of "cultural philosophical resignation" to the fact that people and things we get involved in might well be "less-than-convenient" and imperfect. To me, that feels like a sort of "applied realism," rather than apathy.

These cultural differences manifest in many different ways. Back in 1996, I started selling things on eBay... and interacting with large numbers of buyers both in the US, as well as in Denmark, Sweden and Norway. The US buyers (gross generalization, of course!) would have an email in my box 5 minutes after the sale going "I paid! Did you send the item yet? When can I expect it? Did you send it YESTERDAY (before I even bought it)? Did you send it EXPRESS at your expense, so I will get it sooner?" The Danish buyers (gross generalization) might email me three weeks after the sale and go "Ummm.... did I pay you for that, yet?"

Convenience and speed are not central parts of Danish society and culture. I'll be the first to admit that this can be frustrating, if you are trying to get a piece of paper from the government office that's only open from 11:00am to 3:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Often, the sense of Danish egalitarianism is to blame (gonna pick on the Danes, for a moment!), centered around the notion that nobody has the "right" to inconvenience anyone else. The argument might be (gross generalization!) that we "don't have the right to make the people in that office be inconvenienced by working late and missing dinner."

Another thing I really like about Denmark is the extent to which its culture has embraced gender equality. To a large degree, Denmark adopted (culturally, if not "officially") a system of "soft values" back in the 1960's and 70's... as a result of which Danish women probably enjoy more equality than women almost anywhere else. But it's not a "harsh" equality, filled with anger and a sense of "entitlement;" Danish women are definitely women, not "pseudo-men."

This arrangement also affects men, in the sense that male relationships are more "cooperative" and less "competitive/territorial" in Denmark, than in the US. I also like that with equality comes the attendant responsibility for equality. It's not "equality" in the sense of lifting bags of cement, as it is equality in the arena of "being a strong person;" far less emphasis is placed on specific acts/roles emerging as a product of gender first.

In the early days, this did lead to certain absurdities. Newspaper advertisements to fill jobs were (at one time) required to state that anyone could apply for the position... leading to headlines such as "Wet nurse sought, male/female."

No system is perfect, of course. And, for that matter, it's hard to say that any one system is "better" than another... I live in the US by choice; nobody held a gun to my head. I visit Denmark by choice, because I like spending time here. In some ways, going back and forth between the two reminds me not only of the strengths of each place, but of the things we really "need to work on." When I sit back and consider the areas needing improvement, I increasingly become aware that in the US we have problems with the negative aspects of a "me/I" society, while in Denmark there are problems with the negative aspects of a "we/us" society.

More, though, what I learn from observing these cultural differences (and there are many, not covered here) is a better sense of who I am, and why I feel inclined to respond in certain ways that seem almost "countercultural" in the US. I was born in Denmark and lived here (on and off) till I was 20... so many of my key early impressions (and "socialization") were based on Danish-- not US-- values and practices.

Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part VI: Cost of Living

I spotted a small sign at the checkout counter of the grocery store, last night.

It read something like "effective as of 2008, we will no longer accept 25 øre coins-- if you have any, you will need to take them to your bank."

The bottom line of this statement is that the smallest coin currently in circulation in Denmark is the 50 øre coin. 50 øre is about 9.6 cents, US. The National Bank of Denmark is also doing away with the 50 kroner bank note, meaning that the lowest denomination bank note in circulation will soon be 100 kroner, or about 19.25 US dollars.

These factoids got me to consider that the denominations of US coins and bills have not changed since I was a little kid. We still have pennies, and dollar bills. By contrast, when I was a little kid, we had 1 øre coins and 10 kroner bank notes in Denmark. Those are long gone.

In some ways, Denmark is a very expensive country. Certain things are-- by US standards-- prohibitively expensive. Things like the cost of eating out or buying a soda from a convenience store (which we take for granted in the US) blows most people's minds, when they visit Denmark. $9.00-a-gallon gas also blows most people's minds.

In other ways, the Danes have a good thing going. If you want a college education (and a good one, at that), it's all but free. If you get sick, health care is pretty much free. Dental care is inexpensive. The huge sums of money we spend in the US to insure ourselves against every eventuality known to man... the Danes either don't have to worry about, or pay low premiums for since Denmark generally is not a litigious society.

On average, it becomes a matter of what it is you're paying money for. If you don't have to spend $5000+ a year on various forms of insurance (for example), you can afford that expensive food.

The US is a society of capitalism and "free enterprise." This leaves us ultimately responsible for everything... on an individual level. Denmark is a social democracy, and although there is a measure of free enterprise here, "the prices of things" are sometimes used to guide societal change. For example, I found myself looking for something like ziplock baggies at the store and had little success... and when I finally did find some, they were incredibly expensive-- part of ongoing social "discouragement" to get the population to not use anything disposable. When we were at Tivoli gardens the other day, there was a 5 kroner deposit for a cup you could carry your beverage around in... the kind of cup 7-Eleven gives away by the millions.

Some differences are startling, in a different way. For example, it's not unusual for the entrance fee to a museum or exhibit in Denmark to be the equivalent of $20 or even $30 a person... the reason being (primarily) that museums are often "for profit" in Denmark... businesses not supported by "patrons of the arts" but by the actual gate money from attendance.

These different approaches to money and the cost of things are just that-- "different," rather than "right" or "wrong."

Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part V: Glaring

When you visit Denmark, you'll probably notice that Danes glare at you, and at each other.

I have to confess that I'd made it all the way to age 50 without noticing. And I didn't start paying attention till both Sarah and Tori questioned it and went "What's the deal with the &%#)(* glaring?"

Cultural differences are both marvelous and mystifying things... and often can be found at the heart of both local and international conflict. The issue? We frame something "foreign" in the context of our "local" body of experience... and then "react" based on incorrect conclusions about the deeper meaning of what we observe and experience.

To the degree that Danes even look directly at a stranger, they will tend to come across as glaring/staring... because the "look" they give you is completely lacking in emotion. In context, they are truly "just looking" at you, not trying to "make a connection." They are not being "unfriendly." Smiles exchanged between strangers is... well... rare... because you are, after all, "strangers" and there is no (perceived) need for familiarity. In the very broadest cultural sense (and there are lots of exceptions, of course), "friendliness" is reserved for "friends."

I am reminded of someone (American) I know who visited Russia a while back, and almost felt hostility for smiling at people on the street. This did not make sense until an explanation was offered that in Russia, smiling at random strangers might even be considered rude, because "it assumes a familiarity with the other person that has not been established." To use a metaphor that might make more sense... it would be a bit like going around pinching random strangers' butt and thinking it were OK.

Historically, Denmark has been a very "formal" country. Until fairly recently, cultural behavior has been heavily governed by a type of "conforming properness;" there's a proper way to say hello, a proper time to call people, a proper time to mow your lawn, a proper time after which you start conversing quietly when sitting outside, etc. Although this is rapidly changing with the younger "Internet generations," ghosts of many of the old formalities linger.

My earliest exposure to the cultural differences between the US and Denmark came when I was just six years old. My late Godfather-- an insurance executive from New York city-- came to Denmark with his family and stayed with us for a week. He was a little distressed by me, and spent quite a lot of time and effort trying to teach me to be more "forceful" when meeting people... "shake their hand, stand tall, look 'em in the eye, and tell 'em what you know!"

At six, I thought he was a terribly rude man.

I had been taught-- at some length-- that the proper way to greet a stranger was to (briefly) make aye contact, bow your head while shaking hands (almost Japanese style, a sign of respect), and respectfully avert your eyes to indicate that you were being "friendly," not "challenging."

The second time "cultural differences" hit me square between the eyes came shortly after I arrived in the US, to go to college. I quickly learned that I was being "very rude" when I didn't introduce everyone I knew, when there was a random meeting of people on the street, or in a class, or at an event.

I had been raised with the rule that you only introduce strangers if either (A) it was relevant and purposeful for them to meet ("This is Hans, he is a plumber; this is Susan, she has a leaky pipe") or (B) you were actively intending to create a friendship between two people. I had never grown up with "casual introductions;" I was used to standing around just waiting when people would casually meet, and I didn't "need to" know them... and never thought it rude that I wasn't introduced to everyone.

When I think about it, I suppose Danes can be perceived to "glare" because the old Danish cultural mores are similar to a watered down version of my friend's experience in Russia. Smiling at someone is regarded more a "signal of familiarity" than a "random gesture of friendliness." It's by no means rude to smile at strangers... but perhaps it sends a subtle "I know you" implication that confuses people. These old values are changing, however.

Cultural differences are often subtle... and not covered in guidebooks and tourist handbooks. What's more, you usually have to experience them firsthand, because the locals often aren't aware that what they are doing "feels strange" to a visitor... at least not beyond broad stereotypes. After all, they have lived with these subtle nuances all their lives.

Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part IV: Food & Drink Culture

Danish people can often be observed to assemble in groups to drink beer.

Truth be known, they also often assemble to drink coffee, but observers don't notice that as much, since most coffee drinking takes place indoors. The drinking of beer pretty much takes place anywhere, for any reason... in public, or in private. "Oh look, the sun came out-- let's sit outside and have a beer!" is not an unusual thing for someone to say.

Of course, this might mean going to a bar, but would more likely mean grabbing a couple of cold ones from the grocery and sitting on a random bench somewhere. Or in your neighbor's garden.

Food and drink culture in Denmark is quite different from food and drink culture in the US.

The average American eats out 4-5 times a week while the average Dane rarely eats out at all. Growing up here, I remember that "going to a restaurant" was something we only did for very special occasions, like someone having a "big" birthday, or somebody's anniversary. And when we did eat out, it was a lengthy affair (often lasting three hours or more), and also very costly. My father-- who could certainly afford to-- chose not to eat out very often, with the reasoning that "it's just not very good."

Denmark is possibly the most expensive country in Western Europe in which to eat out, and similar foods "eaten out" will often cost 3-4 times more than in the US. I have been thinking about this, over the past few days, and recall when a group of family members went out to celebrate one of my Aunt Ulla's "round" birthdays. She rather protested the idea, but we went anyway-- to a "nice" (but by no means "luxury") restaurant, not too far from here. I vaguely remember that the "fixed price" 5-course dinner with wine for eight people ran somewhere in the range of $1400.00. Over a decade ago.

A non-Dane might be given to ask how it can be so expensive. Much of the answer can be found in the exceptionally high taxes in Denmark, and in the fact that waitstaff is paid very highly. Service, however, tends to be very slow and often grumpy.

People in Denmark get together to eat and drink at each other's homes, most of the time. Such visits are not just about food and drink, but a social event... a way to spend time with friends. Much like "going out to eat" is often a several-hour affair, so is going to someone's house for dinner. In the summer, you might start out with a few beers and snacks on the patio before dinner; then a 3-4 course meal with wine (which takes a couple of hours to slowly work through), followed by coffee and brandy/liqueurs and more snacks/chocolate.

The idea of "going out to grab a bite" with a friend, and the whole meal and visit being over and done with in 60 (or maybe 90) minutes is all but an unknown concept in Denmark, although it is becoming more common in cities, especially among affluent younger Danes. Even a company/work lunch tends to be much more elaborate than a "grab it and run" affair... hence "fast food" has never really caught on in Denmark... aside from the ubiquitous sausage and hot dog street vendors, particularly common in cities. "Grill bars" are also increasingly common, and are an "extension" of the hot dog vendor, with a larger selection.

In Denmark, a plate of french fries is often "a meal" for people... or, at least, a substantial snack.

Visitors to Denmark-- especially from the US-- will probably notice certain differences in the food. Often these are most pronounced in the area of condiments-- in Denmark, french fries are often served with mayo or the local equivalent of tartar sauce. And some condiments-- like ketchup-- might look the same, but taste quite different. If you get a pickle with your burger, it will most likely be sweet, not salty. Baked goods, butter and snack foods often seem bland to visitors, as they often contain up to 50% less salt or sugar than we're used to.

"Sandwiches" in Denmark are almost always open-faced... a slice of rather dense heavy bread (wheat or rye), buttered, often with just one kind of meat, or a simple slice of cheese. For most people, not very exciting. Conversely, I remember some Danish friends visiting the US and remarking about US sandwiches that the bread seemed "insubstantial" and the sandwich had "enough meat and cheese to feed a family of four."

Having lived on both sides of the Atlantic, these are all points well taken. I'd be hard pressed to say that I clearly prefer the food-- and the "style" of eating/socializing-- of one country over the other. I'm appreciative of the "slow" nature of food in Denmark, but also know it's set against a cultural backdrop where 37 hours constitutes a full work week... and where what one does with one's leisure time is far more important than what one does for work.

The house in which we are staying here in Denmark was "about food" for me, and for a lot of other people who came here to visit. My aunt Ulla enjoyed feeding her guests very substantial meals... and I always looked forward to the food here, especially the chicken and gravy, as well as some of the pork roasts... not to mention the large lunch spreads that would appear daily.

Home Thoughts From Abroad, Part III: Small Scale

There are things about Denmark I had all but forgotten.

Things are small, here.

The country, itself, is small. At 16,641 square miles, the entire country is only a little bit larger than the state of Maryland. Which ranks 42nd of 50 US states, in terms of area.

Stores are small. Roads are small. Houses are small.

I was cooking bacon this morning, using a standard (well, actually TWO) package of Danish bacon. 140 grams (just under 5oz); 8 thin small slices. Here, probably considered "plenty" for breakfast for a family of four. As I stood there, I considered the three pound packages of bacon we sometimes get from Safeway.

Milk comes in one liter cartons. Period. That's about a quart. A few years ago, you could get two liter containers, but the trend never really caught on.

Cars are small. We rented a "large" car, by Danish standards... and could barely fit four people and their luggage in it.

Of course, gas here is over $9.00 a gallon, so driving a gas hog is a bit out of the question. You don't see a lot of Suburbans or Ford Expeditions here. Or large pick-up trucks.

Oddly enough, a Danish case of beer has 30 bottles, vs. a US case (usually of cans) having 24.

Maybe that says something about priorities. Who knows?

People, also, are not small. The average height of adult men in Denmark 5 feet 11 1/2 inches, vs. 5 feet 9 1/2 inches in the US. For Danish women it is 5 feet 7 1/2 inches, vs. 5 feet 4 1/2 inches in the US.

Makes me chuckle a bit, that... larger people having to use smaller things and live in smaller houses, and vice-versa.

"Making do with less" and "economizing" run as subtle subtexts through much of Danish culture. Having been away from here for seven years, I am perhaps noticing it more, this visit. It's neither good nor bad... just different.

Crime: Different nations, different values?

I never quite know how I end up down some of the rabbit holes I find.

Somehow I ended up considering violence and crime, following some article somewhere that led to some statistics somewhere else. It made me ponder something about my early life... and remember part of my childhood. Specifically, I didn't remember us ever being worried about violence or guns in Denmark, but we were plenty worried about theft; the house being burgled or the car being broken into. Since I've lived in the US I realize that I worry less about being stolen from, than I worry about someone violently attacking me, or shooting me.

Of course, these are just "feelings," but it made me curious.

So I ended up looking at this 1400-page UN report on crime in different countries. And came away with some reassurance that these were not "just feelings."

Indeed, there are five times more homicides (per 100,000 people) in the US, than in Denmark. If you break out homicides with a firearm, twelve times more. Then I looked at a different form of violent crime: Rape. There are about 3.5 times more rapes (per 100,000 people) in the US, than in Denmark.

But this is only half the equation. Here's the flip side. In Denmark, there are about twice the number of thefts (per 100,000 people) compared to the US. That balance also holds true for "property crimes," in general.

Now, before anyone starts to "go off" on me about gun laws or socialism or whatever... I don't care, and that's not what this exploration is about. Second, I also know that you can use statistics to tell almost any story you want. And that not all crimes are reported.

Anyway, realizing that my gut feelings had some kind of anchor in reality, I started to consider "WHY?" Why these differences?

It occurred to me that perhaps crime is a strange mirror and reflection of what a society ultimately "values."

Denmark is a very "community" oriented society. Concepts such as "us" and "society" and "common good" rank much higher than "me" and "mine" and "the individual" as core values. On the other hand, "things" and "objects" and "wealth" are part of common life, but not that important. I remember certain "messages" I heard... violence against someone was almost an unspeakable act; something only the crudest barbarian would resort to. If someone broke in your house, however, the response was less likely to be outrage than "Yeah, well, you should have had better locks, shouldn't you?"

In the US, we're spread out, and "individualism" is king, and the sense of "us" and "community" is not nearly as strong. One the other hand, there is a strong drive to "acquire" and to gain wealth, often in the form of "objects" (property). I have a vivid memory of my downstairs neighbor during my senior year in college in Texas having his car stereo stolen... and him saying to be (and he was dead serious) "If I'd caught that guy stealing my stereo, I'd have taken my gun and shot him right there!"

So I wondered this: Do we-- as a species-- avoid perpetrating crime against what we value most? Let's assume for a moment that we all have the same inner degree of "criminal intent." Danes value "people" highly, but "property" not so highly... in the US, we value "property" (relatively speaking) higher than "people."

Is there a subtle, subconscious "trigger" mechanism... that if we are driven to commit crime, we are more likely to do so against what our surrounding culture values less?

Of course, I realize there are a myriad variables-- this is NOT a "scientific" inquiry! It is merely a "pause for thought" exercise.

Cultural Commentary: Growing up in the Shadow of the Jante Law

I am a Danish national.

I was born in Denmark, and I lived there (on and off) till I came to the US in late 1980, to go to college. Whereas my formative years were spent in many different locales in different countries, my family background is very definitely Danish, and it seems that my strongest social and cultural influences are Danish-- especially if we take the assertions that we "learn" most of our core values before age 14 seriously.

My first experiences with the US (notwithstanding previous short visits to New York, Boston and Virginia) were in the great state of Texas. To say that Denmark and Texas are cultural polar opposites would be an understatement... that's simply a fact, not a judgment. I have since lived in other parts of the US-- Arizona, Oregon, and now Washington-- and have a greater appreciation for the regional variation in core values within the US. That said, I do think all nations have "socio-cultural identities," and if you were raised with those identities they will likely shape some part of your value system and choices for the rest of your life.

I have never thought of myself as "particularly Danish." At the same time, even though I have lived in the US for almost 30 years, I don't think of myself as "particularly American." I guess I think of myself more as a "citizen of the world," than anything. As such, I feel neither particularly insulted or hurt when a US citizen points out to me (for whatever reason) that I seem "very foreign" or "very UN-American." Similarly, I also want to make clear that I don't regard such feedback as "negative" comments, merely "factual" ones.

However, whenever such a comment does come up, I am always curious. To some degree, I am curious about "what" seemed foreign... but mostly I'm curious to track whatever "it" was back to its cultural roots.

Yesterday and today I have been taking somewhat "light days," as I am trying not to completely give into some flu/virus that has been poking at my body for the past 5-6 days. Mostly I've managed to keep it at bay... however, the downtime has given me a little time to contemplate. This afternoon, I was thinking about the movie "Avatar" and how my sense of "rightness" about the Universe was bolstered and given hope by the subplot ("nature defeats machinery" rather than "man conquers nature") of the movie. This made me drill deeper into my general feelings of "disregard" for people who believe they are "something" because they have money, power, equipment or whatever.

Then I thought about the places, over the years, where I'd been "called on" my foreign-ness, while trying to fit into US culture. A series of words/concepts started to line up (non-competitive, non-combative, egalitarian, soft, invisible, unmotivated, unassuming, self-effacing, passive, cold, dispassionate) and suddenly a penny dropped.

The sound of said coin hitting the floor made me go do a little research on an old piece of Danish (and Scandinavian) socio-cultural heritage; something I never really considered to be much more than a piece of "cultural mythology:" The Jante Law.

I won't go into great details about what it is. It has its basis in a 1930s literary work that somehow became deeply infused into the subtext of the Scandinavian value system. The odd thing about it is that even though its influence is often dismissed and disregarded by cultural anthropologists and the populace at large, it nonetheless casts a very long "shadow" across the Danish social and cultural landscape. As Danes, we may not like it, and we may laugh at it, and ridicule it, and we may claim it doesn't affect us... but in very subtle ways, it has a significant impact on the way we form our values and how we "present ourselves" in the world.

The core principle of the "law" goes something like this: "Don't think you're anyone special or that you're better than us."

In the original book, the "law" was laid out as a sort of "Ten Commandments" by which people were supposed to live. HOW it got from being "a book" to being a central part (however subtle) of several national identities, I do not know. I'm sure I could research and find out, but I don't have the inclination. The truth, however, is that it did become infused in the culture-- to such a degree that cultural anthropologists around the world study and write about its effects, even while they disagree that it has much influence. Few guides to Denmark (and Scandinavia) fail to mention the Jante Law somewhere. It's NOT "imaginary," in other words.

Here's a rough translation of the ten "commandments:"

• Don't think you are somebody
• Don’t believe that you are as good as us
• Don't believe that you are smarter than us
• Don't believe that you are better than us
• Don't believe that you know more than us
• Don't believe that you are more than us
• Don't believe that you are good at anything
• Don't laugh at us
• Don't think that anybody cares for you
• Don't believe that you can teach us anything

From where I sit today, it sounds pretty dismal. I can also see why the cultural impact of such a thought pattern would lead to the sort of "brain drain" (a substantial exodus of independent thinkers and innovators to pastures greener and more welcoming) the Scandinavian countries experienced in the 1970's and early 80's.

Oh!
Wait...
I left that part of the world during that period.
Things that make you go "hmmmm...."

In the interest of brevity, I'll only paraphrase and summarize a few salient comments from cultural anthropologist Åke Daun's writings on the topic:

"There is a strong tendency among Nordic people to strive for socio-cultural homogeneity. Another typical Nordic feature contributes to this tendency: the wish for conflict free encounters in the private life.

Scandinavians are particularly prone to achieve consensus in attitudes and opinions, and generally avoid socializing with others than like-minded people. Confrontations are regarded as particularly unpleasant. Nordic people generally do not believe themselves to be interesting enough to awaken the curiousness of others, and to compensate for this there must be food and beverages, and maybe certain activities, when meeting others.

Another feature worth noting is a "cultural shyness;" people feel inhibited around others they don't know well, and tend to be very (overly) observant of their own behavior since it is regarded as very important to control what kind of impression others are left with.

There tends to be very strict borders between private life and work life, which manifests as a general resistance to small talk about private matters with strangers (a characteristic which has periodically been reported to be a great hindrance to forming in business contacts in foreign countries).

The lack of passion a stranger might perceive in Nordic people is likely a reflection of both a genuine trait and the fact that rational reasoning has a strong precedent (preference) over for emotional reasoning. Not to be misunderstood, emotions are NOT at all disapproved of in most contexts, but they are regarded as "pure" emotions of no further value than to signal one's general sentiment with life or fate.

Quietness is regarded as the commonly accepted norm, and "noisy fellows" are strongly disapproved of. Vociferous stubbornness is deemed as very ill-mannered, as is interrupting and talking over the voices of others.

The Nordic ideal is to think twice before one speaks, and to utter only one's most firm beliefs, and then only when there is a considered and deliberate intention. The assumption is that what one says is going to be remembered for ages, and if one says something stupid or "wrong" it will be proof of one's stupidness and general incompetence... and can be used against one in encounters for ages afterward...

To be kind and good-natured is important. It is generally seen as preferable to be quiet or agreeable rather than uttering a strongly opposing opinion, unless one really aims at hurting."

Well.

I have been sitting here for some time, contemplating this... and what it means.

Like the truth of most situations, there are two sides to this coin. In some ways, I feel a little more enlightened about myself, from a cultural history perspective. I'm still glad to be Danish, and I'm still glad I live in the US, not Denmark. Although I didn't start writing this because I was looking for an outlet to "pass the buck" to as explanation for being who I am-- I was just curious-- I find myself looking at me through slightly different eyes.

Ultimately, life is about balance. I look at the above and realize that American culture could "learn a thing or two" from Danes, and Danish culture could "learn a thing or two" from Americans. Both approaches to living have their merits. Neither is perfect.

So, I think I will leave this little anecdote and cultural history lesson with an old memory that just popped into my head.

I was five years old, and my Godfather (a powerful insurance executive from New York) was visiting us in Denmark. "Uncle Victor" spent quite a lot of time with me and was (as family lore would have it) "quite worried" about my seeming timidity. And he tried (although I don't remember it ALL that well) to teach me how to "Stand tall, look 'em in the eye, and tell 'em what you know!" Having been taught that the proper way to greet someone (per Danish culture) was "quick eye contact, followed by a slight bow of the head in deference and a handshake" made Uncle Victor's way seem strange to me. Or, as my mother once said I told her "He's nice, but quite rude."